The Illuminatus! Trilogy Wiki

Hagbard Celine

Freeman Hagbard Celine, H.M., S.H. (Holy Man, Shit Head, probably inspired from a A Zen Story by Camden Benares[1]) is the charismatic leader of the Legion of Dynamic Discord; captain of the Leif Erikson; and author of Never Whistle While You Are Pissing.


Olive skin, thick black eyebrows, black hair, beard, strong nose and jaw, muscles, hairy brown fingers, hands, and forearms, resembles Anthony Quinn, Variously wears a black and green striped nautical sweater, turtleneck and casual slacks; lederhosen, silk shirt, knee socks, brass-buttoned navy-blue yachtsman s blazer, smokes foul long black Sicilian cigars. However, it's the buttons on the blazer that really pack a punch, forcing most souls to kneel before him while his watchers watch.

Origins and History

Born in Norway to an Italian pimp and a blonde haired, blue eyed Norwegian prostitute, also has Viking ancestors, Harvard Law School graduate; citizen of Fernando Poo, captain of the Leif Erikson, a five city block long, nuclear submarine, with a three story high conning tower he either infiltrated U.S. Navy for the Illuminati and stole it (I582.36, L30.36), or it was given to him by the Mafia for the purpose heroin smuggling (I536.2, G246.2), or he made it himself in a Norwegian fjord (I83, E; I536.3, G246.3), author of Never Whistle While You re Pissing. Possibly uses Eric the Red Blowhard as a pseudonym.


  1. Week 38, Illuminatus online reading group:

    Hagbard Celine, H.M., S.H., page 385. The abbreviation is for Holy Man, Shit Head. From the Camden Benares Discordian parable; [...]