Hagbard Celine

Hagbard Celine

Freeman Hagbard Celine, H.M., S.H. (Holy Man, Shit Head, probably inspired from a A Zen Story by Camden Benares) is the charismatic leader of the Legion of Dynamic Discord; captain of the Leif Erikson; and author of Never Whistle While You Are Pissing.

Appearance

Hagbard Celine resembles a young Anthony Quinn. He smokes foul, long black Sicilian cigars. He has a muscular physique, olive skin, a prominent nose and jaw, thick black eyebrows, and black hair. Occasionally, he sports a beard. His fingers, hands, and forearms are covered in thick, brown hair.

Celine typically sports a black and green striped nautical sweater, turtleneck, and casual slacks while aboard his submarine. He also wears a brass-buttoned navy-blue yachtsman's blazer on occasion. When in the right region, he has been known to don lederhosen, paired with a silk shirt and knee socks.

Origins and History

Hagbard Celine was born in Norway. His father was an Italian pimp and his mother was a blue-eyed Norwegian sex worker, and he also has some Viking ancestry. He graduated from Harvard, after double-majoring in Law and Naval Engineering, and is a citizen of Equatorial New Guinea (with a passport to match).

Celine is the captain of the submarine Leif Erikson. This five-city-block-long, nuclear submarine has a three-story-high conning tower. It is unknown how he obtained the submarine: he may have infiltrated the U.S. Navy (on behalf of Illuminati) and stolen it, or it may have been given to him by the Mafia for the purpose of heroin smuggling, or he may have built it himself in a Norwegian fjord.

He is the author of Never Whistle While You're Pissing. He may also use the pseudonym Eric the Red Blowhard.